Friday, April 27, 2007: just thinking..
you know how in those drama serials where the philandering husband keeps going out to visit brothels and prostitutes and the when the wife finds out she gets really angry but then eventually she forgives him and takes him back into the family again? sometimes i feel that i'm like that with God. not to say that i go visiting brothels and prostitutes! i mean it in a way of sin and how sometimes i disappoint God so much with what i promise Him which i dont fufill, just like a marriage vow broken.
and we all know, when we watch these kind of serials, that the wife is incredibly stupid to forgive him and take him back into her life, what if he goes and does it again? then what happens? surely there must be a limit to her love for him.
but strangely, God isnt like that. God loves me with an everlasting love. He loves all His creation with an everlasting love. and sometimes i wonder what He deserved to love someone as sinful as me. sometimes i wonder if God is incredibly stupid, He didnt have to love me.
talked to debs last night about relationships and love. she said that love was a choice and the choice is yours to make to love someone, especially at the times when you want to give up on the relationship. it has never made so much sense to me as it did last night. about loving people in secular relationships, and now as i think about it, God's love for me.
i dont deserve His love, and He surely doesnt need someone like me to love, but ultimately, He chose to love me, and to send Jesus to die for me. what more can i say? sometimes i feel so suppressed by the love that God has for me and restricted, and sometimes i tend to feel so restricted in my boundaries, i cannot do the things that secular people do, like get drunk, make out and have sex. (not that i want to, its disgusting, but you get what i mean?) and even thinking about these kind of things makes me wonder why God puts me around such pressures in the first place if He knew i had the potential to succumb to it anyway.
but then i also think of how His love has extended to creating us with our own free will, so that we could choose Him or to enjoy the luxuries of this world. its like saving up for something better. i have the choice to follow Him and His will or to follow the world and its inadequacies to satisfy me permanently.
my God is incredibly gracious and forgiving.
God i'm so sorry that i've disappointed You time and time again. Give me the strength to follow you wholeheartedly and love You the way You love me. God i am so grateful for You grace that has cleansed me of my inadequacies and Lord, i thank You for not giving up on me when i give up on my promises to You. Amen
a shout of praise.
9:53 AM
Thursday, April 26, 2007: conquered
i think there's alot to be grateful for, somehow everytime i fall down God restores me and at times like this i'm very thankful that Jesus died so that someone like me can go to heaven. econs history went really well today, i managed to finish my albeit short essay, and i got all my points down, although some went without much elaboration due to very restricted time constraints, but thank God that i just kept going and going.
i was just thinking while praying before the exam, every trial that God has placed in my life has been used to teach me important lessons, and i think even if i dont do well this exam God has something to teach me and i have something important to learn from this. (like not to leave my studying to the last minute and panic all the way)
anyways (: i'm going shopping with lenard next thurs! yay yay yay. what a way to end the awful week of exams! (: (i have econs history essay and presentation next thurs) and after that i will be as free as a lark on a tree. happy happy happy! i cant wait for uni to end and then i can celebrate my 1 less of a semester to go in uni and i have 8 more to go. its just so awesome i tell you. very awesome.
oh cripes. back to doubtful debts. fa is the bane of my existence. bye folks.
a shout of praise.
7:06 PM
midsem exams start today!
and while i think that econ history is very interesting, i have an exam today and i've been rather stressed. i cannot write essays for nuts. but its okay. at least i know my points. lets just pray hard that kristi passes with at least a credit for this exam cos she doesnt know how well she'll do for the final one. blah.
and there's micro tmr evening and fa on sat morning.
): save me someone!
at least i know i'm not the only one in the boat. hehheh :D its shared by many many! phew! i hope i do ok!
~~
Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns
oh what i would do to have
the kind of faith it takes to climb out of the boat i'm in
onto the crashing waves
to step out of my comfort zone
to the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
and He's holding out his hand
but the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
reminding me of all the times i've tried before and failed
the waves they keep on telling me
time and time again.
'boy, you'll never win!'
but the voice of truth tells me a different story
and the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
out of all the voices calling out to me
i will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
"Since the children have flesh and blood, He too shared in their humanity so that by His death He might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil - and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted." Heb 2:14-15,18
a shout of praise.
8:04 AM
Friday, April 20, 2007: wondering...
...how God felt during the Renaissance, when people started to believe that they could be their own gods, in a way, because of the change in attitudes towards the science and the arts.
what society believed before, in a very fatalistic manner, was that work was a form of punishment from God because of when adam and eve ate the forbidden fruit, i.e. mankind was predestined to suffer.
during the reformation, ideas started to change about the church and christianity and God (other factors did play a role as well) because of Martin Luther and John Calvin (ie Calvinism). attitudes changed; people believed that work was a way to glorify God and salvation was earned through good works.
the renaissance happened about the same period as the reformation, and i think it came about because of discoveries made by astronomists (or something), like how the earth revolved around the sun in ellipses, (which caused a great uproar with society because all along it was preached that mankind was the centre of God's grand design, and hence the sun should revolve around the earth.) how the universe was so vast, the discovery of other planets. scientists like newton rose up around this period, the human anatomy was researched on. there was lots of questioning about the basis of religion because everything discovered "went against" what they believed in.
i wonder how God felt then. surely the intricacies of the world around us, the flow of the system, how we are all made, both in terms of anatomy and character (we're all unique and individualistic!), the basis of metaphysics and hydraulics, somehow showed the existence of a Creator, someone who planned everything, a God that is smarter than anyone else could ever have been. How can the creation of the world just be based on math and mechanics; How could the world appear out of nothing?
everything that is created is inspired by God's creation. how can people regard themselves as their own god simply because they invented something? surely God's genius and divine interllect deserves some credit.
would God have been upset with us though? disappointed? i still wonder. but one thing i'm for sure: God will still continue to love me and you with an everlasting love, after all, why else would He have sent His Son to die for our iniquities? without a doubt, God loves me. (: salvation, after all, is not earned by good works, but by believing that God loved me so He sent Jesus to die for me. my comfort is the faith that God has prepared a place for me in His kingdom (:
... yes, economic history did this to me, btw. (:
~~
"when i consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You have set in place, what is man that You are mindful of him?
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings, and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him ruler over the works of Your hands; You put everything under his feet: all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field, the birds of he air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas. O Lord how majestic is Your name in all the earth!"
Psalms 8:3-9
a shout of praise.
12:31 AM
Wednesday, April 18, 2007: this is the day that the Lord has made (:
went rowing/canoeing/paddling/whatever you call it this morning and the sunrise was nice (: the only thing i really enjoy about waking up at 5.30 to go for canoeing/paddling/rowing is the sunrise that i get to see, other than the cold, the waking up at 5.30 and the feeling of my arms wanting to drop off after the whole session.
i like it how the water looks so velvety every wednesday morning, sometimes even too smooth for me to spoil it with my oar and boat. the morning breeze is relaxing; it feels so good when you row out into the river. and as you row out into the river, the sun peeks out from the horizon. (: its just so beautiful and breathtaking that everytime i look at it i think, wow. God created such a wonderful day.
its so sad that this morning was the last canoeing/paddling/rowing lesson i'll ever be taking in a while. i think i'm going to do pilates next, and then ballet, then maybe hiphop. or swimming. we'll see. (:
cam whoring after lunch (:
jeannie and gerri crashed uni today. (: it was fun having them around. they came for my fa lecture (they agree without hesitation that fa IS boring) and we packed lunch from broadway and ate at home (: then we talked and studied for a bit. i miss my evil twin muchie much. talking to her today was good. (: and now we've become a quadruplet! (: too bad joash isn't to have fun with us today :P
i just realised that debs' old econ hist notes has notes for my midsem essay! (: yay! i'm so happy. (: that means i have less readings to do and i dont need to cram so much for the 3 tests next weekend! (: hurray!
a shout of praise.
5:20 PM
Tuesday, April 17, 2007: rays of sunlight in the gloom (:
MIDSEMS ARE ALMOST HERE! ITS IN A WEEK AND A DAY'S TIME AND I'M FREAKING OUT.
not to mention that they are 3 straight days in a row (next thurs, fri, and SAT! SAT!?!) means i have no time, which means that i am dead and i do not get anything, especially about long run production and short run costs and ledgers and revenue recognition and accrual accounting and how wool production changed in the middle ages and GAH! save me somebody!
i've got a ton of reading to do which i have yet not photocopied and i need the micro tb so badly i can cry. blehblehbleh. ): LEND ME YOURS LENARD! THE LIBRARY'S TEXTBOOKS ARE ONLY AVAILABLE FOR 2 HOURS MAX! how crap is that!
and GAH! i think the micro and FA assignments are coming back next week and i am too afraid to even look at it. ): bleh. i hope i do okay. and i have a FA presentation tmr and a hist presentation & essay due the week after, its so not funny. i hate public speaking so much that i'll do anything to get rid of it. i wish i could bury my head in a hole! oooh. help me help me!
i guess the only good thing i'm looking forward to is jap and all the ocf stuff happening. (: i'm really happy i picked up jap otherwise i would be cramming right now and freaking out even more for the math test that would have been tmr. LUCKY ME (: i love jap! (: ocf is helping me keep things on track. i just realised how dependent i have become on ocf and my group of friends in ocf. (: its weird in a way, how i have learnt to become so reliant on their friendship and they have become so much a part of my life that it would feel odd, i bet, when i eventually leave perth for home. mm. i'm glad God provided me with these friends though (:
oh and econs history is actually quite interesting to learn about. at least the unit that i'm doing is more history based, about how capitalism came about, i guess the only downside is having to write essays and reading a whole lot of books to get a balanced and unbiased idea of what happened then. anyway, we're currently learning about the reformation (yes, capitalism came about partly because of religion, mainly catholic and christianity) and calvinism. i feel partly indignant about the way my lecturer has been treating this topic, and i guess alot of these things are quite subjective to different people. it has raised alot of questions though, especially through the way that my lecturer has put it, as if the christian faith is based on an idea that has been refined and changed over the years to make it more pleasing to the ear.
sometimes i wonder what my other lecture mates are thinking, especially those that are non christian. what would they think about christianity now? but i guess that is not for me to worry about, although i do believe that this concern is placed in my heart by God. God is the one who's timing is perfect (: He's the one that opens their hearts, not me (:
i hope things go okay for the reformation tute. i hope i have the courage to speak up when i have to.
a shout of praise.
7:31 PM
Friday, April 13, 2007: that blasted FA
oooh how i dislike accounting so so much. it kills me! i have a presentation on wed and i've got quite an easy question to answer but i dont know how to ): and the answer cannot be found in the textbook because its on ethics and i just cant seem to think of any! and blah. ): FA is so tedious that you just want to give up halfway and go "what the heck!?". gahs. i cant believe i chose it for a major. ):
anyway, we had quite the discussion about sheep today in bs. it was rather hilarious (:
we were describing sheep and here's an excerpt of a conversation:
either debs/joy: "actually sheeps are quite stupid and brainless".
joy/debs: "then it would be quite depressing right? later we need to go seek counselling"
me: "haha, then you go to the counsellor and say - hi i think i'm depressed because i'm a sheep"
joy: "bahhh"
debs: "ya then the counsellor will really think you're mad"
hahahahahha, i thought that was quite funny :P
but yeah, i think sometimes i can be quite stupid. like you know how when you go on road trips and you pass through the countryside and sheeps block the road and they take forever to move? i guess a parallel can be drawn between me and the sheep; when danger comes i still am so ignorant. and its quite clear to me how much i'm in need of my Shepherd: my guide, my leader, my caretaker. mm. comforting.
(:
makes FA seem so small now. i know i can because i have God! (:
a shout of praise.
10:25 PM
Thursday, April 12, 2007: housemates!
introducing debs (: my favourite person in this whole house (: well actually there's only me and her in this house.. but ooh! not forgetting...
esther! our permanent resident! she stays here so much that she's practically family (:
so yupp. everyday this week has been heaps of fun with dvds and going out and a bit of studying. hehheh (: was fun though. (:
a shout of praise.
5:54 PM
icutmyhairicutmyhair!
its so different though. i look slightly korean. (i went to a korean hairdresser) i hate the fringe but i like the rest of it.
(:
its so strange how i dont have the impulse to blog anymore. sometimes it feels as if i have become so deaf to what God has been trying to teach me. last night during Girl's Prayer Meet esther asked us to share about what God has been teaching us this week, and i couldnt come up with something immediately. but i guess one thing that really hit me was that i need to be obedient to Him, which i havent really been at all.. mm.
and i guess i havent been spending much time with Him either. mmm.
holidays are coming to an end. ): my miserable one week of a break. back to school on monday, and i'm not looking forward to it at all. i think i have a jap mid-sem on monday and i dont have the vocab memorised yet. sigh. i still have a long way to go. plus i wanted to prepare for my history essay and i didnt. bah. stupid holidays.
on the contrary, i've been spending my time, since last thurs, watching dvds with debs and esther and its been really great! now i need to put my gears back into motion and get off holiday mood.
manohmanohman. i cant wait for the winter holidays ): but before i get there i still have my end sem exams.. DIEDIEDIE. ):
oh well.
bake sale on sunday! (: its fundraising for winter camp SO COME PEOPLE AND STUFF YOUR FACES WITH THE BEST BAKE GOODS EVER! promised to be yummy (:
subiaco church of christ, after 9am and 10.30 service (:
a shout of praise.
9:35 AM
Saturday, April 7, 2007: photos (:
lenard's surprise birthday party @ currie hall last thurs
this crazy friend of mine doesnt eat any junk i tell you! so weird. :S i love chocolate! (:
dinner before watching MR BEAN'S HOLIDAY (:
ME & DEBS! (:
my beloved housemate (; @ EM
judy, joseph, me! taken last night @ EM
group shot! @ EM
quadruplets (joash, me, jeannie, gerri)
judy, me, lenard (:
a shout of praise.
11:54 AM
Thursday, April 5, 2007: LAST DAY OF UNI!
something that brightened the gloomy day...
taken at the Singapore Zoo during the summer holidays
Anyway, the day was going pretty badly yesterday, but i thank God for so many wonderful friends that encouraged me on the way! (: my FA assignment is done, thank God. everything balances so i'm really glad. of course 98% of it wasnt my brains that did it, i only was taught how to do it and then i just had to fill in the numbers. but oh well. i'm glad its done. now to study so that i wont fail my mid sem. hopefully.
seeing the picture really made me laugh. you know how there's a screensaver mode where you can show all your pictures in my pictures? yeah, this popped up, and timely too, might i add.
i'm so happy my assignments are over that it's an understatement.
and yay! we're watching TMNT tonight at my house! prolly gonna rent some dvds too. better alternative to the MSU rivercruise (: i'm happy. i'm gonna make ham and cheese slices (: yay!
a shout of praise.
8:35 AM
introducing debs (: my favourite person in this whole house (: well actually there's only me and her in this house.. but ooh! not forgetting...
esther! our permanent resident! she stays here so much that she's practically family (:
this crazy friend of mine doesnt eat any junk i tell you! so weird. :S i love chocolate! (:
my beloved housemate (; @ EM
judy, joseph, me! taken last night @ EM
group shot! @ EM
judy, me, lenard (: